Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
