You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
