So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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