Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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