As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
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I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
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Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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