It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
