Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
