I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
