oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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