If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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