This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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