Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
