on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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