i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
