Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
