So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
