Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
