you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
