my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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