He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
