i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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