I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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