is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
