Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
