I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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