So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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