we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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