Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
