butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
