420 ftw
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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