remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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