Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
