i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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