I only kidnapped one of them. chill
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
third nipple confirmed
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
