New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
