she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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