I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
