The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
