She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
