Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
