I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
being pregnant is like rehab
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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