If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
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After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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