the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
this will be a night to untag.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
