More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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