He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
