Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
