My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
