I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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