why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
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I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
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It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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