Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
