Apparently you make a good broom.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
