so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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