So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
