Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the condom got lost in my hair
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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