the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
