I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i think my mom watched the whole time
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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