i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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