I think im going to throw up on grandma
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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