she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
