we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
