I look better un-naked...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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