wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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