party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
