You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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