she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I did not marry a roomba.
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