Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
