pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
