So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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