i already hear my dad disowning me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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