If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
