so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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