Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
