Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
