She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
