They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
