Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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