you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
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Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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