eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
